First time at home in November

Tonite,
Somehow, i feel not good at all...
Looking at my dad,
I dont know what to say at all..

I hate lots of thing but when I see the current things,
I Feel sad, I feel like crying thinking of my dad's situation..
He tried so hard, but he failed..
No people coming attending the ceremony,
That cold scene,
It was quite hard to bear.

When he came back, he ate his dinner and take bath
All he told me was, "There was some left food"
In the morning, he was so energetic looking forward to the arrangement,
Looking forward for people to come and support him.
He asked mum to bake some cake, make sandwich and bought karipop
I went down to see, it was still left quite a lot..
It can be estimated, how little people attend, and he ate alone those food.

I didnt get to know about what is happening around my home recently,
I feel tired and dont feel like knowing so much..
But tis trip, i realise more..
I dont have words to say..
I dont even know what to say...
A word of encourage? or just keep silent?
I choose silent..

Bcz i dont think i deserve to say anything..
Bcz i dont even know what to say..
I just feel sad and feel like crying..
But i told myself.. no more crying
I dont want anymore tears appearing at my eyeballs.
I dont want to feel weak by crying anymore..
Crying wont solve anything but showing your emotions..

Bcz I never wan to show my feelings anymore to anyone..
It is good enough to save everything for my own..

Current

Ohh, its been a while...
Any way, here i am again..
Blogging all the way~

mid term tests, exams, assignments...*popp*
ALL GONE~!
haha Actually dun have any special feeling for it..
Cz it will come sooner too hehe

I cant wait for my turn to graduate.. since all of my friends are going to graduate..
Going to miss them a lot.
As for me, well still aiming high haha..

Things happened during the missing period of me in this blog..
But, i got tired of it~
Problems just come as we ages..
Tat is the truth and i have to accept it...

Now, i accept as things go...
Cz if not yours, it will never be urs...
So, why think so much now?
Just enjoy ur current life and stop worrying about future regarding to career, education, relationship and more..
Current is the important thing as they will never come back again..
So enjoy it..

Anyway, I have fun though..
It's great to be alive..
Halleluyah~

!@#$%^

I'm having a big big headache!!
I dont even know what am i doing..
Miserable..
Heart broken..
Unable to let anyone knows about it..

Wanted to leave so much..
To a place where I wont b in such a situation..
Keep quiet.. Look into the sky.
Is this another miserable task??

The black shadow is coming slowly and slowly..
Slowly covering the little light that sparkle on me..
Maybe i dont deserve any light from anyone..
Maybe i am born to be 'alone'

Seems like nothing can change anything anymore..
I'm not ready but I am already lost and regret.
Never say regret, but i'm saying I'm regret..
I've think of disappear, disappear to no where..

Never turn back again..
Bcz the bleeding is too much..
If only time can be reverse..
I might choose differently..
I might never slow down..

Please grant me a wings..
So I can leave this 'miserable place'
But please,
Someone out there... that particular someone..
Bear with my selfishness, never let me go!
Cz once the rope is broken, it will never be fixed again...

The bleeding is too much..
I've lost the smile in my face..
I've forgotten how to create the smile..
I cant smile again.. I cant do it anymore.
NO, i cant do it any more.. .......

Dependent

Once again, things appear to be different to me..
I realise nothing is forever..
Or should I say I already knew that long time ago.

Come on,
Open my eyes for it..
I hate it but i cant say anything,
I choose it to be that way.

Now, I choose my own path again.
I will go ahead as what I had planned long time ago.
Loneliness is nothing compared to failure.

Love what you love.
Do what you like,

I will never, never repeat the same things again.
Same mistake I did.
Never rely on anyone other than myself..
Cz i'm scare of getting hurt agaiN~!

Special

I went to town with my mum today...
I was being left behind in d car while my mum went to buy breakfast....
The view outside was so warm..
Playground with lots of kids playing.

There is one bunch of kids that caught my attention to it,
They were very lovely.. a small gal and 3 boys..
It was so wonderful and the boys are really taking care of their sister,
Acc her playing and making sure that she did really play and enjoy it..

Children are so innocent,
In their mind,
it's all about eat, sleep and play.
Adults' mind are more complicated and hard to understand.
Kids' mind are more naive and easy to understand.

I never wish i could go back times when i was a kid..
As i dun have a good memory of it.
Although i know how wonderful their mind would be.

I'm still glad I'm a complicated person.
I think differently than other people and that really cause me a lot of puzzle.
I never regret although i do really feel sad sometimes..
As this is me..
U can never find another Wendy in such a way..

Be happy with yourself..
As you are always special...
Special in this world and dun change for others.

Pathetic

Being left alone in the house today.
Quite bored but I've managed to watch few movies..
Thinking what to cook later?

Get tired of it..
Feel like sleeping...
Sleeping.. It can truly relax ur mind..
U dun even have to think of anything.
Just let ur soul wondering around in this world..
Pathetic world..

Pathetic.. it's too pathetic for me.
I hate being alive, isn't it wonderful..
Suddenly, u just jump and say
"ops, sorry!"
Yes, no way of turning around.. and that's it
end of ur life..
All just depends on u~!

Fool.. just a story anyway~

First Day..

After so many years,
Yosh,it's now my time to do my house work..
Not that scary just i tend to be lazy sometimes..

Nowadays, I spend most of my time in books.
Books are quite fun as ur time tend to flow fast as so do your language skills
haha it sounded like i like to use some phrase in the book while in conversation.
It's quite fun though.
Hmm, i'm trying to throw away some of Msian accent as well..
Trying to be perfect and as fluent as possible.. well i preferably using American slang.

Uh-huh, I prefer America more than London.. Maybe due to d atmosphere at there. More modern.
And my mind, I'm still thinking about abroad as always.
Not wanting to spend the rest of my life at here..
But there is always problem around,
I need to think a lot...
and all those problem that will occurred if I insisted on my planning..
Well, as i say, I always on my planning,
and it seems like my plan always come by without my conscious mind..
Just it's already being hidden inside. deep deep inside my heart...

Feel frustrated sometimes..
But I have no choice and I wont take it for granted..
It's some sort of advantages for me..
It's doing me some good deeds instead of bad although it does really freaks me out sometimes..
But thanks for letting me facing such tremendous situation..
It's COOL~!
I love my life..